Being part of a couple isn’t always easy. Over a period of time subjects like sex and money can become difficult or taboo.
Sometimes during one to one therapy sessions clients share things and I then suggest to share their feelings with their partner. I sometimes see the fear in their faces after this. Very often it is easier to discuss certain subjects that are important to the relationship within the presence of a third party.
Furthermore, every couple develops an unwritten contract concerning each partner’s obligations to the other. The problem with these contracts is too often contained within the fine print. There is the explicit and the implicit demands on the other…
For example, an explicit contract might be : « You organise the holidays and I will organise our home life.” An implicit contract might say: “ You give me the space to dream and I will bring you security.”
The implicit contract are always what really help people to stay together for the long haul.
People change and sometimes the result is that part of the contract is no longer being fulfilled. This leads to the couple becoming more fragile. If you take into account that you are usually not aware of the fine print or what is implicit in your contract, it is no surprise that very often couples do not understand why they are moving away from each other.
Couple therapy can take you beyond the contract and help you to understand what is really going on in the fine print ; what is really happening underneath the surface of your couple ?